Thursday, August 13, 2009

Blue Lou Prickit: "Letter to President Obama: You Scare the Hell out of Me, You are a Bogeyman" Discomfit Satire

Dear President Obama:

You are the first black President under whom I have lived and I just cannot believe that we white male property owners have allowed people with your skin color to gain the status they have. First they wanted to be free from slavery, then they wanted equal rights, but, this sir, is going WAY too far. As a god fearing white male who flies the dixie flag with swelling pride, I must ask you to do the right thing and resign. Frankly, you (and all those other dark skinned people who want rights in our country) scare the hell out of me (and all my gun rubbin' redneck friends)!

You scare us because after months of exposure, we know nothing about you, except that you are a black man in the white house. That would scare any KKKer, now wouldn't it?

You scare us because we do not know how you paid for your expensive Ivy League education and your upscale lifestyle and housing with no visible signs of support. Welfare cannot pay for all that. Where did you steal the money from? You should have stayed in the ghetto where your kind belongs!

You scare us because you did not spend the formative years of youth growing up in America and culturally you are not an American. I'm sure you have never owned a dixie flag or a white sheet to wear proudly at rallies. You are not an American at all. You are a slave gone wild! I say get back on the plantation where your type belongs!

You scare me because you have never run a company or met a payroll. You don't know a damn thing about exploiting wage slaves or shipping jobs to other people of color in the third world. When have you ever run a sweat shop or a plantation?

You scare me because you have never had military experience, thus don't understand it at its core. Until you have shot a gook or a spik or a towel headed sand nigger in the head, you aren't really a man, now are you?!

You scare me because you lack humility and 'class', always blaming others. You blame white people for slavery, apartheid, genocide, and capitalism gone berserk. The only class you have is the underclass. Now, get back into the gutter where you belong. White people took this nation from them savage injuns, and we are the only ones who know how to run it. How can you blame us for that?

You scare me because for over half your life you have aligned yourself with radical extremists who hate America and you refuse to publicly denounce these radicals who wish to see America fail. Only the right wing nuts can save AmeriKKKa, protect white male private property rights, and continue to destroy the rest of the world. Why you would hate this wonderful setup is beyond me. It's not like we are not gonna water your type as you work the plantations. You'll get water, what more do you want?

You scare me because you are a cheerleader for the 'blame America' crowd and deliver this message abroad. The rest of the world loves us and wants us to be the leaders and show other white people in other countries how to treat their citizens, their environment, and their neighboring countries. They envy our big guns, and you should fear these guns.

You scare me because you want to change America to a European style country where the government sector dominates instead of the private sector. What kinda nonsense is that? This country is the only one left where the rich white males can keep getting richer; where the niggras and the women and the wet backs know their place. This country was built on the idea of rich white male property owners being in charge and in control of all resources and all other "people". Now you wanna take our country from us. Shame on you! It's our country god damn it. We stole it fair and square! You aren't even worthy of any of it. God gave it to us white male property owners!

You scare me because you want to replace our health care system with a government controlled one. We don't need nothin' more than corn whiskey and a needle and thread (and a loaded gun) to take care of any ills that befall us. Take your newfangled science and go back to Russia or to whatever planet your space ship came from.

You scare me because you prefer 'wind mills' to responsibly capitalizing on our own vast oil, coal and shale reserves. If there is any oil in the ground, we need to dig and dig and get it out to fuel our SUVs. What the hell are you thinking? We need to bulldoze the planet and pave it for our SUVs. You need to be on a road crew, son.

You scare me because you want to kill the American capitalist goose that lays the golden egg which provides the highest standard of living in the world. You want to stop our exploitation of human (slave) labor and our raping of the environment when we have only just begun. You want to stop us from conquering the world for the golden eggs and bring the white male property owners bounty down to the level of a commoner. No thanks. I like my golden eggs and SUVs.

You scare me because you have begun to use 'extortion' tactics against certain banks and corporations. Banks and corporations are what make our golden eggs truly shine. We are not gonna stop. This is our country. We own it. We own you. Get the hell out of our way, or prepare to get mowed down by our big guns. Chuck Norris knows what I'm talkin' about.

You scare me because you falsely believe that you are both omnipotent and omniscient. Only the Grand Wizard of the KKK can claim to be all that.

You scare me because the media gives you a free pass on everything you do. Except my favorite station, the Fox. God bless Rupert Murdoch!

You scare me because you demonize and want to silence the Limbaughs, Hannitys, O'Relllys and Becks who offer opposing, conservative points of view. These are white male property owners, and I think you oughta listen to them. They are the only ones capable of thinking.

You scare me because you prefer controlling over governing. I'm losing control every day, and you are taking control away from me and my beer drinkin', gun rubbin' buddies. Shame on you. Go back to Kenya.

Finally, you scare me because if you serve a second term I will probably not feel safe in writing a similar letter in 8 years. By then I will be a full-fledged alcoholic and will be pissin' in my pants as I watch the brown skinned and black skinned folk take away all that I know and love (and own!). My golden egg and my SUV will be rustin' in my corn field and I'll only have corn whiskey to soothe my aching heart. God, it was a wonderful run at being king of the world. Us white male property owners are really gonna miss them good old days!

Blue Lou Prickit

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